I went to the store, my bill was 5.99. I gave her 6 bucks and this was my return. Today's my lucky day.

quick lil' ramhead drawin'

The Bison of Madison, South Dakota. I thought he had an interesting paint job.

catfishmonster.sympatheticmagic.

"iowa diary" 2011 Here's some photographs from the Madison Area Arts Council's two-man show, Instinct. It was a damn fine show and a damn fine time. Thanks to Cassie and the Madison Area Arts Council for the invite. It felt good to bang some holes into drywall and hang some new pieces. "Spatiotemporal Fork Biota"
Left to Right: Mouth Rot, A Small Herd, Spatiotemporal Fork Biota

I caught frog!

drawn in South Dakota.

Another momentous day for Jane! I found my first matching set of deer sheds! Granted, they're not the biggest sheds that ever fell off a deer but I think they'd be in the running for the cutest sheds that ever fell off a deer. And also, there's my toe...bottom right. (the big antler was found buried in a creek bed. it was part of a skull at some point). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X73Yg6UCro (watch this. incredible)

The other night I had a dream that we were walking along the edge of a cornfield. As we walked, I looked down to stare at my bare feet buried the black mud. I saw something purple and shiny next to my big toe. I reached down and pulled a perfect, purple, three pronged arrowhead from the dirt. Then I heard a loud noise. Wha Wha Wha Wha. Alarm. I was groggy but the dream was a good omen. We put on our rubber boots, hopped into the truck, and off we went into the hills of Iowa to look for arrowheads. We trudged through the mud and the muck, through water and rocks and above is what we came up with. Three pieces, two of them...perfect. The dream was pretty damn prophetic...three pronged arrowhead and we find three arrowheads. Purple? If you look at these in the light, they are all shades of purple and reddish purple.

i was looking at Albertus Seba.

The robins came back,



calves are dropping in the fields.



Iowa, it's spring!

I wanna live in Jamaica.

1. A tiny, yellow, Jamaican bird. Can someone identify this for me?

2. Bob Marley's thinking rock. He would sit on top and think of lyrics.

3. The zion party bus. we rocked this bus so hard. They served us rum punch and played "Legend." 4. The countryside was beautiful and green.

oh yeah, I got into an art show in New York at the Limner Gallery. Check it out at

http://www.slowart.com/limner/current/upcoming.htm

Creek Finds. Left to right: Pleistocene Horse tooth (super old), bison tooth, bison tooth.

Kick ass day.

the sights of Cozumel.

1. The palm and shoe filled skies of Cozumel, Mexico.2. I think this may be the DMV.

3. An immature brown pelican chillin with floating garbage.

4. tagged.

5. We saw a dolphin and his trainer on our way back to the boat. I waved to the pair and the trainer asked the dolphin to wave his flipper at me. Amused, I pulled out my camera to take a shot. The trainer signaled the dolphin to shake his head "NO". It was pretty damn funny.

(a feral chicken race in the Cayman Islands. They're nose to nose!) The Cayman Islands were beautiful. The water was clear and blue. The sky was cloudless and infinite. The ancient ocean left behind limestone structures that looked like mini mountainsides. There were sea turtles and stingrays to touch and feed.

Feral chickens?

Oh, yes. I learned a lot about stingrays and aquatic turtles while cruising round' the Caymans. But I was totally fascinated by the ubiquitous feral chickens. The lil' fuckers were everywhere. They were at the gas stations, the Pizza Hut, on the side of the roads, they were in Hell (hell was an attraction we visited...so, yes, there are chickens in Hell).

How'd the chikens get there, Jane? Well, the tour guide told us that hurricanes knock fences down. When a fence gets knocked down whatever resided inside that fence has "flown the coop."

After a particularly bad hurricane in 2004, the chickens took over.

So, there you have it...Feral Chickens in paradise.

A coyote on the snow covered ice of the Desmoines River. (this photo was taken during mating season...about a month ago)

vacation cigar!

There is etiquette for every indulgence. To TRUELY understand etiquette it is important to do the wrong thing as often as possible until an aficionado grows tired of you and corrects your incorrect behavior.

I smoked a lot of cigars on the trip. I thought the cigar brand belts were awesome. They were super ornate and should be turned into beautiful gold jewelery. So, I kept the belts on while I smoked the cigar. This is a faux pas. In the cigar smoker's world its considered rude to keep that brand on your cigar, you're supposed to take it off after the cigar has been lit.

This is a great site where you can learn how to be a jerk the right way.

http://www.cigartrends.com/etiquette.php

It was going to happen...eventually. The whole "hitting a deer" thing. The sensations weren't great. A quick peripheral view of fur followed by a loud thump, followed by no airbags, followed by confusion, and man was it dark outside. Cold to boot.

That morning, a small doe caused 5,000 bucks worth of damage in a split second. I could post a picture of the damage but I'd rather post a picture of whitetail photographed from the passenger's seat of the Ford a week or two before the accident. It was a peaceful moment.

Damn, herbivores.

If you're staying at a hotel that's too cheap to have wall decorations and you still have a hankering for some minimal vandalism... there's always the Gideon's bible.

Have you ever consumed a crab rangoon pizza? I have. It was decadent. Jealous? You are. I can tell. I'm salivating just thinking about this place.
http://www.fongspizza.com/

This weekend was a special kind of weekend. An adventure having kind of a weekend. The sun was shining, it was relatively warm, there was gas in the truck and it was time to see some bison and elk. Now where in Iowa could we do that? The bumper sticker above explains it all, we went to the Neal Smith National Wildlife Refuge in Prairie City, Iowa.

My one critique of the place would have to be the bumper sticker...the bison silhouette is accurate seeing as there are abundant bison. The other silhouette is a caribou...not an elk. There are no caribou there. But I'm an asshole so I'll continue forth with the story. Sorry Neal Smith. I'm not that big of a hater.

When we first got inside the learning center we were greeted by a nice, old man. He gave us the basic layout of the place and tried to pressure us into watching a 20 minute movie about the park. I wasn't very interested in sitting, I wanted to go interact with the learning center. We politely said,

"no, we're not interested."



And after a few more minutes of prodding and guilt tripping we were allowed to go "interact." Above is a lovely example of a dead bison. Below is a lovely example of how GIGANTIC a bison skull really is, that thing probably weighed close to 20 pounds but I'm prone to exaggeration and would encourage you to wikipedia that shit.



The learning center was great. Lots of information about the prairie ecosystem and there were a handful of artifacts to ooooooooooooo over, which I did. Some of them were broken (crying pieces) but that's just the way things go when you're looking for arrowheads. These were some pieces they found while making the wildlife preserve.

We made it through the learning center and I bought some touristy things at the gift shop.

Then came the grand finale. The scenic drive around the elk and buffalo (bison) enclosure! It started off slow...just a few elk and just a few bison scratching their butts on trees. But we kept driving. We see a couple more bison, then, BOOM...about a hundred of them lying in the snow. They are gigantic creatures. They appear docile but I'm sure wouldn't hesitate creaming me if I got out of the truck to photograph them.




So, overall, a tremendous success. Except the bumper sticker and the tourist trap I got us stuck in on the way out of town. If an owner of a store tells you they are a tourist trap leave immediately, they probably never see people and will talk to you about how their antique store doesn't actually sell antiques for almost an hour and ask you if you saw the movie at the Neal Smith Wildlife Refuge a few times...but once again, I'm prone to exaggeration and you should probably check that tourist trap out for yourself. If you're a masochist, that is.

the floppy show

I get to print this on t-shirts today. I'm excited but most people would probably ask,

"Why are you excited about printing that? The shirt says Floppy right across the chest, that's not a very flattering word. And about that stupid dog...what's up with that stupid dog?"

Anyone familiar with Floppy? Floppy was a dorky puppet that told jokes to the dorky youth of Iowa. It was a phenomenom that lasted 30, beautiful, years. Check out this dorky website to further investigate the saga of Floppy (or just wikipedia that shit)..

http://www.thefloppyshow.com/

ta-da.

i kept saying I was going to post a painting! And, shit, here it is. Took long enough...but I'm on the road to recovery.

To get a good view of the image (it looks a bit dinky) click on it...then a little magnifying glass will come up, click on it again. Then you'll get a decent view.

Its about 22 x 13 or something like that. painted with gouache. over a looong period of time.

A halloween themed drawing made just in time to be late for the winter holiday seasons. This should have been my Christmas card.

I love multicultural candy wrappers. This one tasted like chewy vanilla ice cream. Thanks, China!

Funny side note: right after i said the candy was Chinese I had to google it to make sure I was correct...here's what came up on the LA times

U.S., state issue warnings on Chinese candy White Rabbit
September 27, 2008From Times Staff and Wire Reports

BEIJING — The Food and Drug Administration and state health authorities warned consumers Friday not to eat any flavors of White Rabbit candy imported from China because they may be contaminated with the chemical melamine.

The California Department of Public Health specifically identified White Rabbit candies imported and distributed by Queensway Foods Co. of Burlingame, Calif. Queensway is voluntarily recalling the chewy sweets after state testing detected melamine in some pieces.

Melamine is the compound associated with contaminated infant formula in China and last year's large recall of pet food.

The warning on the candies came as the FDA recommended that consumers avoid Mr. Brown instant coffee and milk tea products being recalled by Taiwan's Car Food Industrial Co.

The FDA said it was not aware of any illnesses in the U.S. linked to either the candy or the coffee and tea products. California officials urged consumers in possession of White Rabbit candy to discard it immediately.

The White Rabbit candies distributed by Queensway come in various flavors, including vanilla, red bean, coffee, corn, lychee, coconut, chocolate, mango and strawberry cream. All varieties have a picture of a white rabbit with a black background on the top of the bag.

Consumers with questions about the recalled product can contact Queensway at (650) 697-6633.

Raccoon Skull and two flint scraper artifacts.