Whitetail Deer Antler Shed, Lovila Iowa

I was walking though a field the other day and found this little, chewed up beauty.  It was partially buried in the dirt and a lot of it has been chewed up by rodents.  Although this little antler is in rough shape I'm still happy to have found the thing.  Every day is a treasure hunt, friends.

Memorial Day American Toad.

can you see the worm he's about to eat?

An obnoxious and prickly bush was recently cut down and abolished from the garden.  Along with the piles of dirt (from the uprooting) came piles of worms.  Along with the piles of worms came an American toad.  He came to fill his belly with worm meat...yum.  I was able to watch this guy attack and gulp down two earthworms.  I tried to coax him into eating a third (as you can see in the top photo) but he wasn't having any of that.  Too many human smells.

Their camouflage is pretty impressive, wouldn't you agree? 

Train Track Nickel and Dime Smashing.

Want some wholesome/dangerous fun.  Here's the rules.

1. Find a rural train track. If you are in the city/suburbs and the track has a third rail....back off.    Electrocution is imminent.
2. Look both ways to make sure a Union Pacific isn't going to hit you in the face.
3. Place your change on the rail and make note of where you put the stuff.  The change will move a bit when the train smashes them.
4. Return in the morning.  You'll have a bunch of wonderful trinkets.  Also, your money is now useless.  

Yup.  I've been a busy girl.  Today I'm thinking about smashing a quarter, a Susan b. Anthony, a gold dollar with stupid Andrew Jackson on it, and maybe a fork.  Happy smashing, folks. 

A beautiful garden.

 I'm finding a lot of peace in my garden.  All of the colors fill me with an automatic calm.  I suppose you could compare my garden to a Valium....or a fish tank.  Whatever you choose to compare it to, I'm sure that all this gardening is lowering my blood pressure. 

 Here are some of the peppers that were planted.  Three different kinds!  We'll see if they even grow with all of our rabbit activity.  The jerk store garden rabbits don't even eat the peppers, they just bite off the tiny bud and drop it on the ground.  I swear they are just doing this to make me mad.  Oh, well.  I have to remember that they are just rabbits and are not capable of doing something "just to piss me off."

an odd blog contest. winner gets a drawing.

Alrighty, this is probably the oddest blog contests I've ever heard of but here it goes.  I found these hip bones in a field a week ago.  I don't know what kind of animal they came from and I'm curious to find out.  Curious enough to offer one of you fine readers a drawing if you answer correctly.  If you ask nice I'll even send you these disgusting bones!

This is a gross contest.  Good luck.  Happy Friday.

Bumble bees and bad luck.

not the greatest photo but i took it.  all will be explained.

Alright, so it was raining pretty bad the other day.  I enjoy watching the rain so I opened up the screen door and proceeded to admire the weather. Before I could even ogle,  three bumblebees tried to find refuge in my kitchen.  I wasn't about to let that happen and slammed the screen door as fast as I could.  The bees were wet and could hardly fly. One found shelter on the lighting fixture above my head (on the other side of the screen door, of course and in the photo).  Once the rain stopped the bees left.  Remarkable creatures, really.

Ever since I refused entry to those three bees my pod has been having terrible trouble with the creatures.  The day after it rained K was stung on the hand.  The next day Mudd came shooting up the stairs and jumped straight onto my lap.  He had a stinger in his lip.  The dumb fucker tried to eat one.

And the icing on the cake?  Last night I was walking around, checking out the garden and I felt a prick and a BURN on the bottom of my naked foot.  Damn, those stings burn and ache and hurt.  I'm swollen and have to spend the rest of the week walking around on a bee sting on the arch of my foot.  Boo.  Oh, yeah.  My other foot has glass stuck in it.

One foot full of glass, one foot full of venom.  Shoot, that might be a good title for a book.

Iowa Channel Catfish and a common carp.

I did a lot of fishing on Saturday.  This strikes me as odd because three years ago I would have never agreed to do so.  Not because I thought it was wrong (unless people are catching endangered fish or are using explosives as bait) but because I used to be completely scared of fish.  As a matter of fact, one of the first blog entries I made on FLUX BIOTA was about my fear of fish.  I must still be a bit scared because neither of those hands holding those fish are mine.  I still don't like to touch them.

The fish up top is a tiny, tiny channel catfish. I caught about 5 of those and they were set free. Channel Catfish are known for their slimy texture, delicious taste, and ability to stab you with their fins.  This is why I don't touch fish, unseen dangers like tiny spear barbs on their fins or poison!  The fish on the bottom is an introduced species called the Common Carp.  They are gross and are related to the goldfish you kept in a bowl when you were a kid.  They are not as evil as the bighead carp, silver carp, or black carp that are currently destroying the ecosystem of the Des Moines river.

EDIT (may 29th): the common carp is not invasive to iowa.

Save the drama for your Llama.

handsome llama #1.

handsome llama #2.

I was driving around and happened upon these "handsome" Llamas.I don't have much to say about the encounter...except I laughed quite a bit.  Enjoy.

A Smashed Penny from Minnestoa!

My good buddy, Big T, just got back from a school trip.  Where were they? Minneapolis.  Damn, I love that city.  And since T's a good guy he already knew that I collect smashed pennies. He brought me back one that prominently features a moose and another with a wolf.  That made me a happy Jane.  I love animal themed smashed pennies.

Oyster Mushroom?

There is a pile of elm wood on the side of the garage.  It's good to have a stockpile of wood.  Its even better when your stockpile begins to grow edible mushrooms.

These oyster mushrooms were found growing from the fire fodder on Cinco de Mayo.  They were quickly plucked and eaten after they were fried in butter for five minutes.  Delicious!

A jog. Some pyrite (more fool's gold), and a deer tooth.

I'm not a health nut but have been trying monitor my less then admirable qualities.  I've quit smoking and after a rage filled month of horrendous mood swings I think I'm on the up and up.  I've cut down on fast food and have even jogged the entirety of a 5K without stopping to walk.  I was sore for three days.

So, just to keep on with the keeping on, I went for a jog with Mudd after work.  It was super humid and uncomfortable but we did it, we jogged a mile.  During our cool down walk/stretch I found some more fool's gold on the ground amongst the limestone.  This time I found pieces of pyrite that were separated from the limestone and they were shaped like tiny cubes.  I was pumped when I found them.  I also found a deer tooth...not as cool but it went into my pocket.

Have a good weekend, jerks.

Wood tick, paranoia.

I feel like to only time I'm inspired to write short narratives is when something has gone terribly wrong.  Of course this isn't always the case...but it has been for the past month or so.

If you are a contemporary of mine and were asked to write a short list of things that disgust me it would go something like this

1. The sound that hands make when they rub across carpet (the sound of snow pants swooshing together is equally nauseating)


2. Asian carp (look it up on youtube, I'm horribly afraid and disgusted by these animals and I'm sure there will be a long blog post about how much I hate them in the near future)

3.  TICKS!

I hate ticks.  Hate them.  There are no reasons for their existence.  Wood ticks are horrible parasites that will crawl up your leg unannounced, attach to a warm part of your body, and then begin stealthily leeching the blood from your unaware veins.  They are disgusting, blood filled, disease carriers and everyone should duct tape their pants to their legs to prevent an encounter.

With that being said.  There was an encounter last night.

This spring has been a ticky bastard and I've had several encounters.  For some reason I let my guard down last night and played fetch with Mudd in tall grass.  I threw a stick, he joyfully leaped like a deer into the weeds, and fetched the stick.  This went on for some time. 

Eventually, the dog grew tired of the game and trotted inside for a Jane-cuddle-session.  As I calmly pat the dog and watched tv I noticed a bump on his neck.  A TICK!  Of course I couldn't touch it so I screamed for Kyle to come and yank the tick off Mudd's neck and cut it's head off with an exact-o blade.  I thought the ordeal was over after the beheading.  I pet the dog some more.  Another tick and the same reaction from Jane.

So, we sit down and tick check the dog.  My heart is pounding.  Kyle found a tick on his ear and tried to grab it but the tick literally disappeared into thin air.  Of course, I'm freaking out because the bastard was somewhere loose in the carpet.  I was asked to "chill out" because a loose tick is going to find blood.  Ten minutes late I heard Kyle chuckling as he watched a tick crawl up his hand.  THE TICK FOUND KYLE!!!  I was horrified.

All in all we found 7 horrible ticks on a 15 pound rat terrier.  It was terrible.  Booooo.

First Place Blue Ribbon.

Hooray!  I received a first place in the 2012 Iowa Area Artists Show.  Now I move on to state!

Jane Battles the Storm.

I don't know what I was thinking...perhaps it was something like, "I'll just drive home Saturday night so I'll have all of Sunday to relax and drink a light beer of some sort." I knew there was a storm headed for South Central Iowa and I knew that the meteorologists were predicting a doozy.  Maybe it's good that I have no sense of impending doom but I'm pretty sure that it's not.  To drive or not to drive?

Ok.  Getting the story started.  I left the party in Darien at about 6:30 which would put me at my house in Iowa around 11:45pm, give or take a bathroom break or two.  I hopped in the Honda, took a glug of coffee, and was on my merry way.  My mother called two hours into the drive to tell me about the big storm.  The point she tried to drive home?

"get a hotel you idiot.  i've heard there's hail."

Of course I didn't listen, she's my mother.  But I was getting close to the World's Largest Truck Stop and decided to pull over to hear what all the truck drivers were talking about.  Once again, I'm an idiot...real truck drivers don't go to tourist traps, they go to the Flying J.  I had to ask the 17 year old in charge of the cigarettes for her thoughts on the storm.  Yeah, bad idea.  I received a vacant stare followed by a "I haven't heard a thing."

That was good enough for me.  I ran to the smashed penny machine and was delighted to find out that the tourist trap had two new designs.  Way to be, Iowa Truck Stop.  Then I left...unafraid of the impending storm.

 

 I should have been afraid as I drove west on I-80 and into the lighting.  I should have been afraid when I heard the thunder clapping after 1-mississippi, 2- Mississippi.  And I should have been especially afraid when I realized there were only a handful of us idiots left driving on the road.  The sky opened up.  I've never seen anything like it in my life...sheets of rain, nothing but rain.  I lost any kind of visual besides wavy red lights in front of me.  Then hazard lights.  Then lights pulling off to the side of the road...and I'm one of those lights.  

I put my car into park and prepared to hunker down.  Before I could figure out what was going on I went blind and deaf.  Lighting struck the middle of the road half a mile in front of me.  Then the thunder clapped above my head and it felt like I was punched in the chest.  I tried to recover but was blinded again, this time closer and to my right.  Lightning was hitting left and right, thunder booming, booming, booming.  I was in shock. 

If I wrote about everything that happened this post would be far too long to keep your interest.  I'm shocked if you're still reading.  I got out safe.  The storm only lasted about 30 minutes but caused devastation throughout Iowa.  75 % of a town was damaged and there were a few tornadoes.  I was so fuzzy from the storm I drove 25 miles in the wrong direction and tacked an hour onto my trip.  I was home by 1:30 am.  Moral of the story:  When your mother tells you to get a hotel room DO IT!  Don't think you're more clever then nature, damnit.  You'll lose every time.

Mudd. Doggy age progression.

This is the day we brought Mudd home.  Approximately one year ago, today. 2011

Mudd when his ears were still floppy but were about to stand up.  2011

Mudd as a confidant, young man.  2012.

Isn't it amazing?  Look how big ol' Mudd has gotten in one year. 

pyrite in iowa. fool's gold.

 1.  I've been finding a lot of Fool's gold. The camp ground I frequent has been freshly paved with limestone rocks. Most limestone contain sand and other substances like as quartz, pyrite and clay minerals (source, ehow.com).  So, you find limestone...you might find fool's gold.

 2.    I'm enjoying the structure of  pyrite, it's very cube-like. Here's an image pulled from the net that exemplifies its cube-like quality .  This is the kind of F.G  I'd like to find.

3.  But this is what I always find.  I just have to figure out a way to dissolve the limestone so I can see what the structure of the pyrite looks like.  I'll bet vinegar would do the trick.

So, keep your eyes peeled, folks.  Pyrite is easily found...not to mention satisfying to find.  Just look for a neighbor that has a limestone driveway.  When they're not looking, dig through the rocks and you just might find some worthless/yet totally cool minerals. 

fossil find.

I was very happy to have a three day weekend.  I feel it was well deserved.  So, what did I do with all my extra time?  I took some naps, I painted for over 12 hours (all together, whoopee!), and I managed to get some exercise.

I also found a few things.  I found a couple broken artifacts (they didn't photograph well so I won't be blessing your eyes with their presence), they were pretty cool but also very broken.

My find of the weekend was this creepy fossil rock.  Something about it reminds me of a spooky beehive.  If you look inside the rock holes you can see that some of the holes have other fossilized materials inside.  My guess, a very river worn piece of coral.

Any other guesses?  I'll probably send the image to the fossil forum website.  They'll know what it is.

house sparrow?

A small bird is making a nest inside the skull cavity of my cow skull.  It's fun to watch him and his girlfriend feverishly gather dried grass to make a baby bird cradle.  Very impressive, birds.  Keep up the good work.

a good weekend for hunting!

 1.  I found a bunch of broken Native American Pottery.  If you look close at the pieces on the right you can make out ornamentation.

 2.  Look at all these flint chips.  By the end of the summer I'll have enough to tile my bathroom floor.  Or make a mosaic.

 3.  Here's a few of the broken pieces we found.  Notice the nap marks on each piece.

4.  And the best part of the day?  I found a perfect turtle back scraper.  Not too shabby for 5 hours of hunting.

a beautiful weekend.

1. Mudd has turned into quite the little seeing eye dog. He spots animals in the grass on a regular basis and Friday was no exception. We were taking a leisurely walk in tick infested grass when I noticed the dog pawing at a patch of earth. I walked over to the area and spied a scaled tail. I tugged on it and a ridiculously long garter snake started to unwind from the grass. I grabbed the beast behind the neck and went to grab my camera for a few shots. After our photo session she was released at the same spot we found her.
2. We tried to find an arrowhead this weekend. Not successful. But the field we were in had a lot of beautiful flint chips. Pink, red, grey, black, orange...all shiny and sharp as glass. Where you find flint chips there is a chance you'll find an arrowhead. So, it was worth a shot. At least the rocks look pretty.
3. It was a froggy weekend. All my amphibious friends have come out to enjoy an early spring. We took Mudd to the pond to Frolic. that clever dog has figured out that if he walks along the edge of the pond and smashes algae...frogs will jump out. Once the frogs jump out of the algae Mudd chases them along the pond's edge. It was pretty darn cute. What wasn't cute, though? The ubiquitous TICKS!!! We headed back to the truck after our pond jaunt and checked the dog for ticks. HE HAD THREE! I began to freak out and began to check myself, I had ticks crawling up my pants! I picked them off and thought I was in the clear. Nope. We begin the drive home, I let out a huge SCREAM because there was a tick crawling up my arm. I looked at my pant legs and there were two more! The ticks crawled off the dog and onto me. Needless to say, I hopped out of the truck, screamed, and flailed about for awhile. Think the story is over?...nope. I went to bed that night and picked two more ticks off of Mudd. TERRIBLE!

Saturday was spent outside.

1. On Saturday I met Cody. He's a registered Quarter Horse and was born in Hawaii. Yup, born in Hawaii and sent to Iowa. Mudd didn't know what to make of him at first (just a tiny bark or two) but I figure its best to get the dog used to horses. It lessens the chances of a brutal horse stomping.
2. Another day another fossil. Not to mention a very nice circular stone with a symmetrical hole in the center and flattened on the bottom.....my best guess, Native American bead. But, who knows...it's my rock. Other then that: some horned coral, some dead clams, the center of a geode, and a rock that looks like a bird standing on a stick.

Comissioned Piece.

My buddy, Andrew, is starting a business. He asked me to put together a potential logo/drawing for his website. Seeing as it's a roof sealing business he wanted sharks and seals as a prominant part of the design. So, here's design #1. Happy Friday, jerks.

another painting.

Click on the image for a better view

Untitled (as of yet)
roughly 24 x 13
gouache on paper.

Here's another painting I recently finished. The photo quality is sub par but you get the idea. I just need to get a bit more accurate with the photoshop burn/dodge tool. I am pretty pleased with the bottom part of this painting. So, onward and upward, friends.

Finished Painting.

Click on the image for a better view

"Untitled (for now)"
approx 24 x 16
gouache on paper

As you guys now know, I collected a lot of pins at the Potentates Ball (if you don't know this, its two blog posts down). As unfortunate as it sounds, I wasn't able to collect them all while I was attending the formal event.
I recieved a letter in the mail yesterday. This doesn't happen often and I was curious...who sent me this letter? Then I remembered. I ran into a woman at the Potentates ball and she was pin-laden. I asked her how she got all of them and she told me,

"just by existing."

Then she asked for my address. She said she'd send me a few pins. I thought nothing more of the interaction. But, damnit, that wonderful woman sent me two pins in the mail. I was tickled. What a nice gesture from a lovely lady. =

Sometimes I'm impressed by people's kindness.

painting in process.

About a year ago I saw a chupacabra. We all know that the chupacabra is a legend...a mythical monster that sucks the blood out of goats. They even made an X-Files episode focus on that very subject. Anyhoo, while driving i spotted a grey, hairless, sickly, animal trying very hard to hobble across a cornfield. When it comes down to it, the "chupacabra" we saw was just a mangy fox or coyote stumbling off into the great unknown to die in a bush somewhere.
The drawing you see up top is a study for a beautiful painting I'm about to start. It comemorates the day I saw my first "mythical" beast...in Iowa of all places. Chupacabras always have giant bat ears so I'm using my lil' Mudd as a model. Isn't he handsome? We'll see how the painting goes. Wish me luck.

The Potentates Ball.

http://www.zagazigshrine.org/Potes_Ball.htm

I don't even know where to begin this post.

It was a formal event. There were a lot of fancy/boozy drinks, there were fezzes and formal wear, there were a bunch of clowns running around. It was the 2012 Potentates Ball.

Most of us are aware that Shriners exist. We've gone to their circuses and we've seen them parade in their tiny cars. Some people aren't aware that the money they raise from those events go to fund the Shriner's Hospital for children. When a child goes to that place for rehabilitation their costs are fully covered. Which is pretty amazing if you think about it.

Well, we went to the annual Shriner's Potentate's Ball in Des Moines (money raised at the event goes towards funding the hospitals). It was a hoot. Ever heard of a hospitality room? Me neither. Hospitality rooms are filled with free food and booze! And there were about 30 of them! Each room was hosted by a different group of Shriners from a different part of Iowa or Missouri. After hitting several of these rooms I began to notice that all of the Shriners were covered in enameled pins. I coveted their pins and ached for one. After a few beers I got bold. We were out smoking and I grabbed one of the pin-laden fellows by the arm and asked him,

"How do I get my hands on one of those fancy pins, fine sir?"

He responded,

"all ya gotta do is ask, Sweetheart."

And he pinned three pins on my shirt! A tiny car, a gold one with mushrooms, and a horse. I was in heaven! Pins to add to my ever growing collection of knick knacks. For the next few hours I was a pin-askin' for fool. But, everyone was super nice and helped me out. I was even able to land the elusive St.Joesph Missouri pin. Take that!

All in all. The shriners are a blast to party with. Everyone was hospitable, friendly, dancy, and wonderful. We listened to live bands, wandered around the facilities, watched middle aged people wrestle in a hotel room and enjoyed general merriment. Good times.

This story has a happy ending.

This is my Ryder-Dog. He's been my best friend since I was 13. Last night I called my mother to have a chat and when she answered her "hello" sounded shaky and panicked. I asked her if everything was OK and she gave me the run down of the day.

"Ryder has disappeared. We've searched the house three times over and he isn't anywhere. I left for work and he was on the couch. George called me at 3 and told me the dog was MIA. We have no idea where he is. We think that someone may have opened the door at some point during the day and Ryder escaped."

My first reaction was to freak out. I tried to remain calm and told my mom that people love cocker spaniels. Anyone would stop their car and try to save the lil' guy. Don't freak out until day three...then you're allowed to freak out. We spoke for ten minutes and figured out a game plan. Then I hung up the phone and proceeded to freak out.

Ryder is 16 years old. Although he's pretty darn healthy he is deaf. I began to worry about the cars, weather, bad people...all sorts of stuff. Terrible thoughts ran through my head and I worried that I would never see my best friend again. I was worried that we would never know what happened to him, that we'd all have to live with a horrible mystery.

I cried myself to sleep.

Then morning came. I called my mother and we voiced our insecurities about the situation. We spoke about how amazing Ryder is and how we knew we'd find him. My mother said goodbye and started her day of flyering and shelter visiting.

Two hours later I called my mother to find out how the search was going.

" WE FOUND HIM!"

Ryder did escape from the house. That 16 year old cocker spaniel wandered across several busy intersections and ended up on the other side of town....THREE MILES AWAY! I couldn't believe my ears. Apparently, people called the local shelter and told them about the Ryder sightings. An officer was sent out to pick up my wayward pooch and he was taken to the Oak Park Animal Care League Shelter. I am going to send them a 50 dollar donation today as a huge thank you for saving my best friend.

I couldn't have asked for a better ending. I'm so thankful for all the people who worked together to find Ryder. I wish I could hug all of them. So, people...don't take your dog for granted. Get your dog micro-chipped. Take your dog for its annual vet visit. Hug your dog daily and try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

Thank you universe for bringing Ryder home.

treasure hunt!

Its been a good week for treasure hunting. First the fossils, then these geodes and finally........
A 1948 wheat penny! I found it in the take a penny leave a penny tray at Kum and Go (the most hilarious name for a gas station...ever).

Happy hunting, people.

sunday fossil hunt!

Sunday was pretty nice. The sky was blue and cloudless... sunshine made the air warm, no wind was present, and there wasn't a lot of snow to speak of. Sunday was perfection.

A perfect day is easily wasted and I didn't feel like doing that. Mudd, Kyle, and I hopped into the truck and drove towards my new favorite ditch. This is what we found.
Overall, pretty damn successful. We even found a new kind of fossil. In the top photo you'll see some fossils that look like branched coral...yup, I'm pretty sure those are branched coral. Its always cool to find a new specimen for my collection.

Another cool thing...THIS IS A GEODE DITCH!!! I found evidence of geodes. More on that tomorrow.