rik-rat corn pile

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day.

To celebrate this unnecessary holiday I will share my favorite Valentines Day story.

There once was a kid named Jaime, Jaime went to my high school. He was a nice boy. He always sported a dapper middle part and a well pressed nine inch nails shirt... I didn't know the guy too well but I did know that he was permanently attached to his girlfriend. And Valentines day was coming up.

What to buy, what to buy for a girl that has everything? Jaime decided to hop on the bus and hit Spencers at the mall. There he would procure a pair of edible undies for his lady friend. For those of you who don't know, edible underpants are essentially fruit roll ups shaped like a g-sting.

Jaime thought he hit it out of the ballpark. The gift was sexy, romantic, and totally cheap. What lady wouldn't like a gift from Spencers? Jaime took the bus home, yanked on the "let me out!" chord, and hopped off. Gift in hand he walked up the stairs to his lady's apartment.

But Jaime wasn't greeted with a Valentines Day kiss from his pretty lil' gf. He was greeted with a hearty,

"I think we need to see other people."

Despondent and totally hungry, Jaime got back onto the bus, rode it home, went into his room, and proceeded to eat the pair of Valentines Day edible underpants on his twin bed all by his lonesome. Poor guy. I'll bet they tasted terrible.


  1. Bwaahhhahahahhahahaha! I love this story! I am definitely loling, and almost rofling.

  2. I love this story with a passion. its so sad and hilarious.

  3. Whatta beautiful story! Poor high school slob.

  4. i'm secretly afraid he'll read this story and get revenge on me....delicious, edible revenge.

  5. I love you Jane! Happy valentines!! Nate got me roses one year, and the pesticides on them made me break out in hives all around my eyes. It reminds me of that a bit. :)

  6. awwww, that's the sweetest love story ever. my guy got me a DRAFTING TABLE!!!! I'm totally geeked, I've been painting on the dining room table for a full year.

    p.s. i love you, too! (i may try to come to south dakota this summer for an art photo session, if you're up for it).

  7. say what you will, but v-day is good for the economy. and who doesn't like a bag of dark chocolate? you can keep the flowers and fruit roll ups...ack

    happy painting

    1. ha! Yes, they can all keep their fruit roll up underpants! just give me the chocolate.