Let's See How Much Money I Can Waste.

I'll admit it, I'm obsessed.  For the past few weeks I've been walking to the train tracks with one thing in mind...wasting money.  All I want to do is smash change.  I don't want to spend my hard earned loose coinage on candy or pop, I just want to put it on the train tracks and make it worthless.

There's something totally wonderful about my most recent obsession.  A giant train runs over your coins, flattens them, and turns them into a new and wonderful object.  The sound three smashed quarters makes when you jingle them in your hands is hypnotic.  Each coin reacts differently to the weight of the Union Pacific...older coins are sturdier and produce a more satisfying impression and sound.  New coins, pennies especially, will shred under the intense pressure and leave razor sharp edges.  I've cut my hand while jingling the 2012 train track smashed pennies.

I have ideas for these objects.  The sounds they make begs me to turn them into some kind of a wind chime for my garden.  I have a drill, I know how to link objects together, perhaps I'll do that after a few more trips to the tracks.

Anyone who has followed my blog knows I've been obsessed with collecting smashed pennies from tourist attractions.  Now I can finally do it myself.  I dub this summer, The Summer of Loose Change and Heavy Trains, and its going to be a good season.

Enjoy your Friday.

Bumble bees and bad luck.

not the greatest photo but i took it.  all will be explained.

Alright, so it was raining pretty bad the other day.  I enjoy watching the rain so I opened up the screen door and proceeded to admire the weather. Before I could even ogle,  three bumblebees tried to find refuge in my kitchen.  I wasn't about to let that happen and slammed the screen door as fast as I could.  The bees were wet and could hardly fly. One found shelter on the lighting fixture above my head (on the other side of the screen door, of course and in the photo).  Once the rain stopped the bees left.  Remarkable creatures, really.

Ever since I refused entry to those three bees my pod has been having terrible trouble with the creatures.  The day after it rained K was stung on the hand.  The next day Mudd came shooting up the stairs and jumped straight onto my lap.  He had a stinger in his lip.  The dumb fucker tried to eat one.

And the icing on the cake?  Last night I was walking around, checking out the garden and I felt a prick and a BURN on the bottom of my naked foot.  Damn, those stings burn and ache and hurt.  I'm swollen and have to spend the rest of the week walking around on a bee sting on the arch of my foot.  Boo.  Oh, yeah.  My other foot has glass stuck in it.

One foot full of glass, one foot full of venom.  Shoot, that might be a good title for a book.

A jog. Some pyrite (more fool's gold), and a deer tooth.

I'm not a health nut but have been trying monitor my less then admirable qualities.  I've quit smoking and after a rage filled month of horrendous mood swings I think I'm on the up and up.  I've cut down on fast food and have even jogged the entirety of a 5K without stopping to walk.  I was sore for three days.

So, just to keep on with the keeping on, I went for a jog with Mudd after work.  It was super humid and uncomfortable but we did it, we jogged a mile.  During our cool down walk/stretch I found some more fool's gold on the ground amongst the limestone.  This time I found pieces of pyrite that were separated from the limestone and they were shaped like tiny cubes.  I was pumped when I found them.  I also found a deer tooth...not as cool but it went into my pocket.

Have a good weekend, jerks.

Wood tick, paranoia.

I feel like to only time I'm inspired to write short narratives is when something has gone terribly wrong.  Of course this isn't always the case...but it has been for the past month or so.

If you are a contemporary of mine and were asked to write a short list of things that disgust me it would go something like this

1. The sound that hands make when they rub across carpet (the sound of snow pants swooshing together is equally nauseating)


2. Asian carp (look it up on youtube, I'm horribly afraid and disgusted by these animals and I'm sure there will be a long blog post about how much I hate them in the near future)

3.  TICKS!

I hate ticks.  Hate them.  There are no reasons for their existence.  Wood ticks are horrible parasites that will crawl up your leg unannounced, attach to a warm part of your body, and then begin stealthily leeching the blood from your unaware veins.  They are disgusting, blood filled, disease carriers and everyone should duct tape their pants to their legs to prevent an encounter.

With that being said.  There was an encounter last night.

This spring has been a ticky bastard and I've had several encounters.  For some reason I let my guard down last night and played fetch with Mudd in tall grass.  I threw a stick, he joyfully leaped like a deer into the weeds, and fetched the stick.  This went on for some time. 

Eventually, the dog grew tired of the game and trotted inside for a Jane-cuddle-session.  As I calmly pat the dog and watched tv I noticed a bump on his neck.  A TICK!  Of course I couldn't touch it so I screamed for Kyle to come and yank the tick off Mudd's neck and cut it's head off with an exact-o blade.  I thought the ordeal was over after the beheading.  I pet the dog some more.  Another tick and the same reaction from Jane.

So, we sit down and tick check the dog.  My heart is pounding.  Kyle found a tick on his ear and tried to grab it but the tick literally disappeared into thin air.  Of course, I'm freaking out because the bastard was somewhere loose in the carpet.  I was asked to "chill out" because a loose tick is going to find blood.  Ten minutes late I heard Kyle chuckling as he watched a tick crawl up his hand.  THE TICK FOUND KYLE!!!  I was horrified.

All in all we found 7 horrible ticks on a 15 pound rat terrier.  It was terrible.  Booooo.

Jane Battles the Storm.

I don't know what I was thinking...perhaps it was something like, "I'll just drive home Saturday night so I'll have all of Sunday to relax and drink a light beer of some sort." I knew there was a storm headed for South Central Iowa and I knew that the meteorologists were predicting a doozy.  Maybe it's good that I have no sense of impending doom but I'm pretty sure that it's not.  To drive or not to drive?

Ok.  Getting the story started.  I left the party in Darien at about 6:30 which would put me at my house in Iowa around 11:45pm, give or take a bathroom break or two.  I hopped in the Honda, took a glug of coffee, and was on my merry way.  My mother called two hours into the drive to tell me about the big storm.  The point she tried to drive home?

"get a hotel you idiot.  i've heard there's hail."

Of course I didn't listen, she's my mother.  But I was getting close to the World's Largest Truck Stop and decided to pull over to hear what all the truck drivers were talking about.  Once again, I'm an idiot...real truck drivers don't go to tourist traps, they go to the Flying J.  I had to ask the 17 year old in charge of the cigarettes for her thoughts on the storm.  Yeah, bad idea.  I received a vacant stare followed by a "I haven't heard a thing."

That was good enough for me.  I ran to the smashed penny machine and was delighted to find out that the tourist trap had two new designs.  Way to be, Iowa Truck Stop.  Then I left...unafraid of the impending storm.

 

 I should have been afraid as I drove west on I-80 and into the lighting.  I should have been afraid when I heard the thunder clapping after 1-mississippi, 2- Mississippi.  And I should have been especially afraid when I realized there were only a handful of us idiots left driving on the road.  The sky opened up.  I've never seen anything like it in my life...sheets of rain, nothing but rain.  I lost any kind of visual besides wavy red lights in front of me.  Then hazard lights.  Then lights pulling off to the side of the road...and I'm one of those lights.  

I put my car into park and prepared to hunker down.  Before I could figure out what was going on I went blind and deaf.  Lighting struck the middle of the road half a mile in front of me.  Then the thunder clapped above my head and it felt like I was punched in the chest.  I tried to recover but was blinded again, this time closer and to my right.  Lightning was hitting left and right, thunder booming, booming, booming.  I was in shock. 

If I wrote about everything that happened this post would be far too long to keep your interest.  I'm shocked if you're still reading.  I got out safe.  The storm only lasted about 30 minutes but caused devastation throughout Iowa.  75 % of a town was damaged and there were a few tornadoes.  I was so fuzzy from the storm I drove 25 miles in the wrong direction and tacked an hour onto my trip.  I was home by 1:30 am.  Moral of the story:  When your mother tells you to get a hotel room DO IT!  Don't think you're more clever then nature, damnit.  You'll lose every time.

a beautiful weekend.

1. Mudd has turned into quite the little seeing eye dog. He spots animals in the grass on a regular basis and Friday was no exception. We were taking a leisurely walk in tick infested grass when I noticed the dog pawing at a patch of earth. I walked over to the area and spied a scaled tail. I tugged on it and a ridiculously long garter snake started to unwind from the grass. I grabbed the beast behind the neck and went to grab my camera for a few shots. After our photo session she was released at the same spot we found her.
2. We tried to find an arrowhead this weekend. Not successful. But the field we were in had a lot of beautiful flint chips. Pink, red, grey, black, orange...all shiny and sharp as glass. Where you find flint chips there is a chance you'll find an arrowhead. So, it was worth a shot. At least the rocks look pretty.
3. It was a froggy weekend. All my amphibious friends have come out to enjoy an early spring. We took Mudd to the pond to Frolic. that clever dog has figured out that if he walks along the edge of the pond and smashes algae...frogs will jump out. Once the frogs jump out of the algae Mudd chases them along the pond's edge. It was pretty darn cute. What wasn't cute, though? The ubiquitous TICKS!!! We headed back to the truck after our pond jaunt and checked the dog for ticks. HE HAD THREE! I began to freak out and began to check myself, I had ticks crawling up my pants! I picked them off and thought I was in the clear. Nope. We begin the drive home, I let out a huge SCREAM because there was a tick crawling up my arm. I looked at my pant legs and there were two more! The ticks crawled off the dog and onto me. Needless to say, I hopped out of the truck, screamed, and flailed about for awhile. Think the story is over?...nope. I went to bed that night and picked two more ticks off of Mudd. TERRIBLE!

The Potentates Ball.

http://www.zagazigshrine.org/Potes_Ball.htm

I don't even know where to begin this post.

It was a formal event. There were a lot of fancy/boozy drinks, there were fezzes and formal wear, there were a bunch of clowns running around. It was the 2012 Potentates Ball.

Most of us are aware that Shriners exist. We've gone to their circuses and we've seen them parade in their tiny cars. Some people aren't aware that the money they raise from those events go to fund the Shriner's Hospital for children. When a child goes to that place for rehabilitation their costs are fully covered. Which is pretty amazing if you think about it.

Well, we went to the annual Shriner's Potentate's Ball in Des Moines (money raised at the event goes towards funding the hospitals). It was a hoot. Ever heard of a hospitality room? Me neither. Hospitality rooms are filled with free food and booze! And there were about 30 of them! Each room was hosted by a different group of Shriners from a different part of Iowa or Missouri. After hitting several of these rooms I began to notice that all of the Shriners were covered in enameled pins. I coveted their pins and ached for one. After a few beers I got bold. We were out smoking and I grabbed one of the pin-laden fellows by the arm and asked him,

"How do I get my hands on one of those fancy pins, fine sir?"

He responded,

"all ya gotta do is ask, Sweetheart."

And he pinned three pins on my shirt! A tiny car, a gold one with mushrooms, and a horse. I was in heaven! Pins to add to my ever growing collection of knick knacks. For the next few hours I was a pin-askin' for fool. But, everyone was super nice and helped me out. I was even able to land the elusive St.Joesph Missouri pin. Take that!

All in all. The shriners are a blast to party with. Everyone was hospitable, friendly, dancy, and wonderful. We listened to live bands, wandered around the facilities, watched middle aged people wrestle in a hotel room and enjoyed general merriment. Good times.

This story has a happy ending.

This is my Ryder-Dog. He's been my best friend since I was 13. Last night I called my mother to have a chat and when she answered her "hello" sounded shaky and panicked. I asked her if everything was OK and she gave me the run down of the day.

"Ryder has disappeared. We've searched the house three times over and he isn't anywhere. I left for work and he was on the couch. George called me at 3 and told me the dog was MIA. We have no idea where he is. We think that someone may have opened the door at some point during the day and Ryder escaped."

My first reaction was to freak out. I tried to remain calm and told my mom that people love cocker spaniels. Anyone would stop their car and try to save the lil' guy. Don't freak out until day three...then you're allowed to freak out. We spoke for ten minutes and figured out a game plan. Then I hung up the phone and proceeded to freak out.

Ryder is 16 years old. Although he's pretty darn healthy he is deaf. I began to worry about the cars, weather, bad people...all sorts of stuff. Terrible thoughts ran through my head and I worried that I would never see my best friend again. I was worried that we would never know what happened to him, that we'd all have to live with a horrible mystery.

I cried myself to sleep.

Then morning came. I called my mother and we voiced our insecurities about the situation. We spoke about how amazing Ryder is and how we knew we'd find him. My mother said goodbye and started her day of flyering and shelter visiting.

Two hours later I called my mother to find out how the search was going.

" WE FOUND HIM!"

Ryder did escape from the house. That 16 year old cocker spaniel wandered across several busy intersections and ended up on the other side of town....THREE MILES AWAY! I couldn't believe my ears. Apparently, people called the local shelter and told them about the Ryder sightings. An officer was sent out to pick up my wayward pooch and he was taken to the Oak Park Animal Care League Shelter. I am going to send them a 50 dollar donation today as a huge thank you for saving my best friend.

I couldn't have asked for a better ending. I'm so thankful for all the people who worked together to find Ryder. I wish I could hug all of them. So, people...don't take your dog for granted. Get your dog micro-chipped. Take your dog for its annual vet visit. Hug your dog daily and try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

Thank you universe for bringing Ryder home.

The dog almost caught a deer.

Trevor, Mudd, and I went for a walk through the fields yesterday. We walked around the muck and snow, we looked at old/lightning struck trees, and followed turkey tracks.

Suddenly, there was a crashing sound in the timber and a male whitetail deer (antlers and all) came crashing out from the trees. The deer was scared but the dog wasn't. Mudd perked up his ears, growled, and took off full bore after the gigantic beast.

"Mudd! Stop!" I yelled this over and over but the deer was out of sight.

I heard some more crashing and the deer came running from the other side of the field. Mudd was still behind him, running as fast as he could. Eventually, I was able to get to a high point and see my little pooch. He was panting and excited. But, really, what would he have done if the deer decided to stop? I dunno. A kick. A deer kick. All I know is my dog wanted to eat this deer.

Really, this was all my fault. I take him to see deer all the time. Watch the video. I'm just glad the dog is ok.

Horrible Taxidermy. HORRIBLE!

1. this weasel is not an albino. Its sun-bleached, horrifying and is possibly the worst taxidermy mount I've ever seen.

Customer: "Hello, good sir. I've procured a weasel this week and would like it preserved as a taxidermy mount. Can you make any suggestions on a lifelike scene?"

taxidermist: " Most weasels are in logs. I'll just cut it in half and shove it into a log hole."

Seriously, the weasel is cut in half and shoved into a log hole. Its the worst thing I've ever seen.
2. This was in the store's window display. They put it in the window display!

Shop owner: "how can we encourage customers to buy our taxidermy, friend?"

Friend: " Stick a rotting muskrat corpse in the window display. People go batshit for that stuff."

dirty toes

It rained yesterday. Cold, wet drops landed everywhere all day long. Slowly but surely, it saturated the ground.

I've become accustomed to walking the dog in the back field. The dog also enjoys this ritual and I knew we were in for a muddy ordeal when we walked to our regular stomping grounds. Even with all the rain, the ground was a solid wet...not a sloppy wet. I didn't think we'd get too dirty.

Mudd and I ventured into the back field and he blasted off into the distance like a dog-rocket. He loved the dirt and had a good time running. By 5:30 we both looked like we had hoofs. There was no definition of "foot" on either of us. Just mud caked clodhoppers.

So, here's a picture of Mudd (post mud walk) I took with my new camera in low light. Mudd is showing off his dirty feet for you. He got a good bath shortly after this photo was taken.

I found a deer mouse nest...by accident.

Oh no! I was on a hike and my curiosity got the best of me....again.

Don't put your hands into mysterious holes, friends. I've been surprised far too many times. The other day, I spied a a wooden drop box at the Lake Miami nature trail. I had to see what was inside, what if it was money?

I opened the lid...

Nope, it wasn't money. It was a mouse house and there were five nuzzled together in a filthy nest. Of course I had to photograph them and I managed to disturb their tranquility while doing so. The mice quickly decided that they had had enough of me (who can blame them?). One by one, the furry animals exploded out of their box and onto the ground. They jumped like gold medal Olympians and I was truly impressed by their leaping abilities. In order to prevent head to head collisions I had to duck.

Touché, mice. Touché.

No mice were harmed in the making of this blog entry.

a snake tail.

UPDATE! : I've been told that this is not a young bull snake but is an adult brown snake. I've got some smart friends. nov.2

The dog and I have been taking a lot of walks. Every time there's a walk there's an adventure. Saturday, Mudd's ears perked up and he began to paw at dry grass. Of course, this perked my human interest and I bent over to separate the grass blades and maybe figure out what the dog was looking at.
This is what I found. But it's kind of an odd story. The snake was small, about seven inches long, maybe 9. I reached down to pull the snake off the grass and had a hell of a time trying to get it to release it's grip. A small snake couldn't hold on that strong, right?

I was partially correct. I finally got the snake off the grass and it was super heavy. I looked at the bottom of the snake and a small grey mammal was voraciously gnawing, biting, shaking, and HANGING from the snakes tail. It was a shrew and it was trying to eat the snake! Wow. Eventually the shrew released it's death grip and disappeared into the tall grass. I stood there, befuddled.

I shook off the shock, photographed the snake and returned it to the wild.

turkey nuts.

I'd like to consider myself an adventurous eater. Put a new food in front of me and I'll try at least two bites before I politely spit into a napkin while I pretend to cough. I used to be a semi-picky eater...that is, until Andrew Zimmern's show came out. Bizarre Foods opened me up to a new world of interesting tastes.

Deer, Bison, Elk, gizzards, poutine, scallops, squid, eel, octopus, goat, deep fried dandelions, pigeon, wild mushrooms, heart, liver, deep fried oreos (snickers, reeses peanut butter cups, and three musketeers...ALL DEEP FRIED AND DELICIOUS), oysters, clams, mussels, seaweed, vegan food, kibbeh...and the list could go on. I'll try anything.

My interest in new foods got me into trouble the other day. Big trouble. Bizarre food caliber. Almost vomit on my lap trouble.

I was at a barn party last Friday. It was good times. Lots of nice people, bonfires, and beer. Did I mention that someone brought turkey balls to the party? Yeah, a whole gallon of them in a large zip-lock bag. I was surprised by how large the testicles were...some of the bite sized snacks were longer then my pinky finger. And round. Ugh.

I was "cocky" and boasted...

"I'll eat those greasy bastards."

I shouldn't have said that. About ten minutes later Kevin walked up to me with two balls in his hands. I grabbed the smaller one and popped it into my mouth. I gave it one chew and swallowed. I also made the mistake of saying it wasn't too bad. I said it tasted like chicken. Kevin handed me the second testy. It was a big fellow and dripped oil. I popped the second turkey nut into my mouth and bit down. Instant gag reflex. For some reason the second bite was way worse then the first bite. It tasted like wet chicken fat mixed with organ meat. The hot oil that poured from the center of the morsel didn't help, either. I started to panic, I had a mouth full of balls and nowhere to spit.

I grabbed the nearest beer can and unloaded my palate. It was a horrific experience. Three other people tried to feed me turkey balls that night.

I told them to go piss up a rope.

vacation pt.2

Good morning world! It's a beautiful Monday morning, the grass is wet, the birds are cold, and I didn't hit any horses on the way to work. Good deal. I'm content with all of these facts.

I'm still rolling along with the vacation blogs but am realizing that I'm not doing it very diligently. I didn't write at all last week, I blame stress and diet. But, I kept a sketchbook the entire trip and it's filled with a bunch of narrative. I plan on scanning in a few choice entries for a blog. But until then,

Peoria

Rachel and I were in Peoria for a few days. We had some adventures and were ridiculously social. Some highlights include: a visit with Juice and her puppy, letterboxing jaunts in various historic graveyards, lots of salivating over really nice road bikes. Steve worried about sewage in a basement, we all ate way too much ice cream (and Avanti's cheap Italian food, delicious), and rachel and I found a hilarious caterpillar.
Some Peoria Hot Spot Stops include: Avanti's, One world, Emo's, Co op Records, Mexican food, country road driving, pool, Blue, The Peoria Art Guild, Art Show, etc
Some people I saw: Rik, Juice, Erica, Gabe, Gabe, Bruce, Drew, Steve, Chris, Shannon, Christian, Bethany, Rachel's mom, Oscar, Ann, Sarah, Heather, Dave, Sarah, Eliz, Beth, Christy, Janet, oh man and the list goes on, I'll add to it...if I forgot your name it's because it's early and I still love you.

And in case you're wondering about the clown photograph, let me explain. This clown is the face of Peoria as far as I'm concerned. It's the Emo's ice cream shack marquee. I have countless memories of friends and I sitting on colorful parking lot benches while we munched on coney island dogs. Their ice cream is fabulous and the place does all it's math by hand. No fancy registers at that place (a math teacher opened up the icecream place many years ago. To encourage his young employees to be diligent at basic math he eliminated the register).

The first time I went to Emo's a girl named Dani brought her rabbit with us. The rabbit's name was Yishi Spudnick and I wanted to hold her while I ate my ice cream. Bad idea. The rabbit peed all over me and I dropped my cone. I learned two things that day: rabbits pee way more then you think they do and giant flying bugs like to land in cheese dip. Oh, I forgot to mention that right after a rabbit urinated on me a giant bug flew into my cheese fry cheese dip...rendering it useless. You'd think an experience like that would turn me off to Emo's but nope.

Needless to say (which I say a lot needlessly), I had to come back to Emo's at some point during my stay in Peoria. Rachel and I hiked over and were pleased to find out that they had lemon flavored ice cream...it tasted like a girl scout cookie. I got a cherry dipped cone and some cheese fries. It was good times.

Check out what I almost Hit on the way to work.

Its 6:30am and I'm heading to my car and I'm mad. I've got to go to work. I've got a bunch of deadlines. I need to exercise. I'm hungry. I'm in a bad mood and when I'm in a bad mood I like to drive faster then necessary.

I slam my car door, buckle up, turn on the engine, drive down the alley and turn onto the country road that heads towards work. Driving 80 feels great at the moment. I'm living dangerously and crack the windows to feel the morning air. My mood improves.

At the bottom of a hill I can see large shadows loitering in the road. I have no idea what they are. I'm going 80 mph and these shadowss are huge! I brake as hard as I can, the car begins to swerve and there are SEVEN horses right in front of me. I finally stop and need a paper bag to breathe into. I'm 10 feet away from the horses that almost did me in. Jittery as hell and barely able to hold the steering wheel I try to gain composure but all I can smell is burning rubber.

I honk at those stupid horses until they start running, I follow them with my car into the area where I assume they came from. And I drive to work.

Stupid fucking morning. I was so happy I didn't hit them I brought doughnuts to work.

poor baby.

I noticed a lot of bird chatter. Oriole bird chatter, to be exact. Frantic and concerned oriole chatter. I couldn't figure out why two adult birds were so upset with me...until I almost stepped on their reason. A tiny baby bird was sitting, scared, next to my big toe. I knew I couldn't do much for the baby bird but I could at least keep him from becoming a dog's breakfast or a mess on someone's shoe.
I put the lil' guy a tree and he scooted up the bark like an old pro. He was safe for the time being. Little baby oriole perched himself on a branch and began to sing at his parents. This went on for over three hours until he lost his balance and fell into the bushes. His parents, who were never far away, began to freak out...again.
We all know there's not much you can do for a baby bird, it's the circle of life. I picked him out of the bush, set him on a tree branch, and let nature take it's course. He sang to his parents for the rest of the afternoon.

I'm Hijacking This Blog.

Just when I've figured out how to get my way in Korea, it's time to leave.

Sigh.

And not in an "I'm an American. I'm entitled!" sort of way. Not in a way to take advantage of people. But a way to make my life easier.

I've learned my role in society and how to use it to my advantage.

Before, when my phone got stolen, I ran around yelling at everyone and demanding that I not have to pay because it was STOLEN AND I'M FROM AMERICA. This did not work because

1. I did not speak Korean
2. My translator was too embarrassed to translate my angry American demands
3. I didn't understand how Koreans work.

Now, I think I do.

Now I've figured out how to make my day easier. For example:

Yesterday, after working out, I went to the grocery store. I bought ground meat. Next stop was one of my favorite soup places for lunch, but was worried about letting my meat sit out. (ha)
But, since I frequent this place, and Koreans view foreigners that eat alone as lonely, sad souls, I knew that the ajummas* would maternally grant my request. A simple request. Woman to woman. I showed them my meat (ha) And woman to woman, they understood I wanted to keep it in their fridge.**

And thus, my day was much easier. In the past, I would have fret about going home first to refrigerate the meat and then go to the restaurant, but by then, I'd be STARVING...etc...

Now, life is much easier. And the ajummas love me.

*married Korean woman. Usually older with short, permed hair and mismatched floral clothing. They wear visors year round and when encountered on the subway, have elbos and shoulders made of cement.

** this post is not a metaphor about banging the ajummas at the soup place.

You can read more of my adventures at I am in South Korea.

This weekend was a special kind of weekend. An adventure having kind of a weekend. The sun was shining, it was relatively warm, there was gas in the truck and it was time to see some bison and elk. Now where in Iowa could we do that? The bumper sticker above explains it all, we went to the Neal Smith National Wildlife Refuge in Prairie City, Iowa.

My one critique of the place would have to be the bumper sticker...the bison silhouette is accurate seeing as there are abundant bison. The other silhouette is a caribou...not an elk. There are no caribou there. But I'm an asshole so I'll continue forth with the story. Sorry Neal Smith. I'm not that big of a hater.

When we first got inside the learning center we were greeted by a nice, old man. He gave us the basic layout of the place and tried to pressure us into watching a 20 minute movie about the park. I wasn't very interested in sitting, I wanted to go interact with the learning center. We politely said,

"no, we're not interested."



And after a few more minutes of prodding and guilt tripping we were allowed to go "interact." Above is a lovely example of a dead bison. Below is a lovely example of how GIGANTIC a bison skull really is, that thing probably weighed close to 20 pounds but I'm prone to exaggeration and would encourage you to wikipedia that shit.



The learning center was great. Lots of information about the prairie ecosystem and there were a handful of artifacts to ooooooooooooo over, which I did. Some of them were broken (crying pieces) but that's just the way things go when you're looking for arrowheads. These were some pieces they found while making the wildlife preserve.

We made it through the learning center and I bought some touristy things at the gift shop.

Then came the grand finale. The scenic drive around the elk and buffalo (bison) enclosure! It started off slow...just a few elk and just a few bison scratching their butts on trees. But we kept driving. We see a couple more bison, then, BOOM...about a hundred of them lying in the snow. They are gigantic creatures. They appear docile but I'm sure wouldn't hesitate creaming me if I got out of the truck to photograph them.




So, overall, a tremendous success. Except the bumper sticker and the tourist trap I got us stuck in on the way out of town. If an owner of a store tells you they are a tourist trap leave immediately, they probably never see people and will talk to you about how their antique store doesn't actually sell antiques for almost an hour and ask you if you saw the movie at the Neal Smith Wildlife Refuge a few times...but once again, I'm prone to exaggeration and you should probably check that tourist trap out for yourself. If you're a masochist, that is.

I love multicultural candy wrappers. This one tasted like chewy vanilla ice cream. Thanks, China!

Funny side note: right after i said the candy was Chinese I had to google it to make sure I was correct...here's what came up on the LA times

U.S., state issue warnings on Chinese candy White Rabbit
September 27, 2008From Times Staff and Wire Reports

BEIJING — The Food and Drug Administration and state health authorities warned consumers Friday not to eat any flavors of White Rabbit candy imported from China because they may be contaminated with the chemical melamine.

The California Department of Public Health specifically identified White Rabbit candies imported and distributed by Queensway Foods Co. of Burlingame, Calif. Queensway is voluntarily recalling the chewy sweets after state testing detected melamine in some pieces.

Melamine is the compound associated with contaminated infant formula in China and last year's large recall of pet food.

The warning on the candies came as the FDA recommended that consumers avoid Mr. Brown instant coffee and milk tea products being recalled by Taiwan's Car Food Industrial Co.

The FDA said it was not aware of any illnesses in the U.S. linked to either the candy or the coffee and tea products. California officials urged consumers in possession of White Rabbit candy to discard it immediately.

The White Rabbit candies distributed by Queensway come in various flavors, including vanilla, red bean, coffee, corn, lychee, coconut, chocolate, mango and strawberry cream. All varieties have a picture of a white rabbit with a black background on the top of the bag.

Consumers with questions about the recalled product can contact Queensway at (650) 697-6633.